I’m feeling mentally weak today. I prayed and asked God to give me strength. Honestly though, the desire to take care of myself isn’t really there. On my own, I’m feeble. I find this struggle to be as much physical as it is mental.
Two things overwhelm me:
1. That this journey has no end. It’s life from now on.
2. The idea of eating a paleo diet with my family of six is a lot to take in. Josh has been so nice about it. But let’s face it-sugar comforts us. It gives this release of happiness in our brain. It’s almost like a drug. I mean, isn’t that why we go and eat chocolate in the closet when our kids are screaming? It makes us feel better. Right? Needless to say, the family is warming up to the idea…but it’s a slow warm up. V e r y S l o w.
But it helps to remember why I want to take care of myself. Processing these thoughts and writing them down, I hope will encourage me later down the road when I’m feeling weak.
So here’s why I’m saying good bye to donuts(and basically changing the way I eat for the rest of my life):
1. If it doesn’t get rid of all the pain(after all, there is no guarantee), it certainly gets rid of most of it. My body feels better when I invest in it.
2. I don’t always want to be wondering “When is my next flare up going to be?” During flare ups the pain brings me to tears. It’s frustrating. I don’t want to end up in bed guzzling water and wondering if I’ll ever be normal again. I’ve said good bye to normal. It’s time to embrace the life I’ve got.
3. I want to be a good steward of the body that God has given me. I realize there are some people who only dream of doing what I’m able to do. Some people wish that their cure was as simple as eating healthy and exercising. There’s obviously more to it than that, but I can be thankful and steward my body the best I know how for the Lord Jesus.
4. In James it says, “Let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire wanting nothing ”…he was talking about our faith. Faith grows when we let patience work in us. This whole experience of not knowing the end of the story- of fighting candida and the pain that goes with it for the rest of my life can be discouraging. But it teaches me patience. I get to keep living🙂❤️So I choose to allow patience to work-no matter how the story ends.
5. I want to be fully present in my kid’s lives. When I’m fighting candida, my mind isn’t the same. I’m not fully present. I forget things more. I worry more. I’m so tired all the time. I don’t feel mentally or physically like myself. Taking care of myself helps me be more present.
This road isn’t going to be easy.
In fact, it may last the rest of my life-the doctor said that was likely to happen. So-here’s to the hard road. I’m chugging along, refusing to quit no matter how I might feel about it. God’s decided to give me some lemons-and by his grace I’m about to make myself some amazing sugar free lemonade 😂(see what I did there?)